When parents often share the news that a baby is on the way, one of the first things that friends and relatives love to comment on is how you can "Say good-bye to your sleep". I am here to tell you that it doesn't have to be that way, at least not for as long as many parents believe.

While it is true, that those first few weeks can be a massive grenade into your normal sleep habits and routine, they also are the most amazing. The love you feel when meeting your new baby, the joy of that first snuggle on your skin, grip of your finger or look of wonder staring right at you -- boy that makes it all worth it. After the hospital stay is over, company has left and reality of this new journey has set in, often has the pure exhaustion any new parent has felt. 

With many of the families I work with, their first question is "when?" When can we start expecting our newborn to sleep a little better?  When do babies develop habits around sleep? When can you begin help us? The truth is, healthy habits start at birth and don't ever involve "sleep training" a child. (A term I hate because of the perceived connotations that word has.) In my experience in supporting families all over the world and having two kids 3 & 1 at home, I have been in it with you and understand how to have a whole house that sleeps. 

Below you will find a guide to help you maximize snuggle time, minimize a fussy-overtired baby and maximize sleep, for everyone in the house, including you. While you may not agree with everything, begin where you are comfortable and start to form those healthy sleep habits that work for your family.  

1. The Crib: Put the baby in their own crib on the very first night. This was the best tip from my friend Lindsay, before I got into this business and it was still the one I am most thankful for. Research confirms that the crib is the safest & quietest place for babies to sleep. Many parents, especially first time parents, do not understand how loud a baby can be when they are sleeping, with all those adorable coos in the middle of the night. In turn, you and your partner are not sleeping at a time when any sleep is desperately needed for you in order to care for your new bundle of joy. The crib is a safe, hard surface, where they can comfortably sleep, swaddled snug-as-a-bug. If a baby learns to only sleep in a bassinet and then quickly outgrows it, it becomes one more thing you must transition them from, which isn't always easy. They begin to build a nice relationship and comfort with the crib. After all- they will be spending the next several years there. In addition to being safe, it should be free from bumpers, toys and lovie's, as recommended by the AAP, until at least the age of 1 for safe sleeping, and remember, back is best. 

2. A Schedule: While a formal schedule is impossible for a newborn, understanding their cue's, proper awake times, feeding schedule and proper sleep patterns is a pillar in crafting a good sleeper both during the day and at night.

The best way to maximize feeds during the day is work on a 7 to 7 schedule. Up at 7am eating and down at 7 pm sleeping. That helps them also learn to decipher days and nights. Teaching them that bedtime is at 7pm and they are in the crib in the dark, is best for them to get deep and consolidated sleep. Some families leverage the swing in the living room for that time in the evening the truth is, babies never really fall into that deep sleep-cycle they need, and parents often don't take the mental break they need, whether it's with their other children or just with each other. It's also good for their bodies, because the dark helps with the natural production of melatonin in the babies' brains, to help them lull off to sleep. If mom is nursing, I often recommended also using this time to pump, get a shower and head to bed, and use the pumped milk to let your partner handle that first waking, likely around 10pm. This gets you a solid block of sleep you need as a new mom, which is also important to help mom stay physically and mentally healthy and focused on the new baby. 

3. A Routine: From the beginning, establish an evening routine with your baby. Wash their face with a wash cloth, a bath, a song, a book, a cuddle, a swaddle, whatever it is that you do and will do every night with your little bundle of joy. This helps them begin to recognize that sleep time is coming. It's also a unique thing that happens only at that time of the day. The routine should never last more than 30 minutes. This goes for 6 days old, 6 weeks old, 6 months old or 6 years old. Children of all ages like routines and while older children are natural boundary pushers, the safety and security this brings them in knowing what is expected of them is also calming and comforting to children. 

4. Naps: Parents are not taught little about sleep before a baby arrives. Often, the biggest source of frustration in a baby if not hunger, is being sleepy. Naps and a properly structured day are important for not only the general mood of a baby, but also directly impacts how they sleep in the evening. I always recommend that clients that babies should not sleep more than 3 hours without eating during the day (between 7am & 7pm), unless they were hungry and obviously wanted it sooner. Even if they are sleeping, I would wake them, feed them, and then they could go back to sleep if they were still tired, as many newborns will do. As you know, those first few weeks they sleep a lot! Newborns should only be awake 45-60 minutes before napping again in those first few weeks. Here is a look at the total recommended sleep time by age:

In the evening, put the baby down at 7pm after a brief bedtime routine. The first few weeks they may fall asleep eating, just pay attention to it and try to pull out the bottle/breast, so they don't start using it for comfort, not nutrition, burp them and then swaddle them and lay them in the crib awake, where they can be calmly drifting off to sleep. 

For a newborn, there are no 'rigid schedules' per-se' as these little ones are still developing their circadian rhythms, however, the awake time between naps is very important. Up until 8 weeks, babies sleep about 16-18 hours a day. Around 8 weeks, I suggest parents then drop that 10:00 pm feed I mentioned earlier and let the baby wake naturally on their own for that first feed sometime in the night. When they do wake, go to them, feed in a quiet dark room with limited stimulation and after burping, place them awake back in the crib & swaddled.

5. Darkness: I advise families all use room-darkening shades. Darkness helps the body trigger the natural release of melatonin, which helps your body sleep and also helps new babies more easily begin to decipher and straighten out their days and nights. When it's bedtime, the room gets dark, another trigger to the baby it's time to go to sleep. While they are not always affordable for every family, head to the dollar store for some black garbage bags and tape or pin them to the inside of the curtain facing the window. (Hey - whatever works right!) 

6. Screens & Blue-light: Don't put your baby down for the 'night' in the bright living room with the TV on or siblings running around. This is all stimulating for them, causing difficulty in settling, as I mention in my discussion on the cribs. Also, the TV screen, phones, and tablets omit, blue-light, a natural stimulant to the brain, for babies and adults. I advise clients to avoid these devices close to the baby's bedtime, during middle of the night-waking's and when settling for naps.  All of the stimulation can make it much more difficult for babies to drift off to sleep, and harder for you too, when you are ready to catch up on that much needed sleep.

7. Put Baby Down Awake: When you know they are tired or it's nap time, swaddle them and place them awake, but drowsy in the crib. It doesn't need to be every nap at first, as we know babies take a lot of them, but shoot for 2 naps a day in the crib. Give them a change to drift off on their own. This is a skill you are teaching them and once they understand they can do it, from this young age, it's never something you need to show them they can do, causing you to never really need to hire me! The rest can be spent snuggling and cuddling them as much as you want, taking in the newborn baby smell, the feel of their bodies molded into your arms and comfortable with the peace and security can bring. You also don't need to be confined to the crib, take walks, run to Target with your baby, head out for some fresh air. Having a baby that sleeps doesn't mean you are confined to a single routine every day. Enjoy the time and still build positive sleep habits. 

8. Avoid Props: Whatever it is, we all have ways that we soothe ourselves into sleep. If your baby depends on a "prop" to fall asleep--such as feeding or rocking, then they will find it difficult to get back to sleep without their "prop". This habit develops over the first few months. It is important that we teach our children skills so they can fall asleep themselves and begin to sleep more peacefully. At this stage, one of the most common sleep props is feeding, so have in the back of your mind that you will try not to feed (breast or bottle) to sleep. Of course, this is next to impossible to achieve 100% of the time and putting your baby down in her crib already asleep from time to time will not be the end of the world.

The other major prop is rocking & bouncing. Be careful not to do this too often, or you will be bouncing your way through their 4^th birthday!

Finally, let's talk pacifiers. Some babies love them, others hate them. They are important in soothing babies, just be sure to work with your pediatrician on what's right for your baby and family, after those first 3 months, they can become a prop that needs to be put back in every single time it falls out in the night, causing you and your partner far too many unnecessary waking's. 

9. The Right Patterns: Encouraging full feeds during the day by creating an eat activity sleep pattern. Somewhere around 20-30 minutes provides adequate feeding time for infants (the same is true for both breastfed and bottle-fed babies). For most babies, feeding times will be every 2-3 hours. At 3 hours is a perfect number and maximizing their daily feeds. In addition, waking a baby at 7am will in turn maximize their milk intake during the day so they sleep more at night. Essentially doing things in this order still allow the same # of feedings, but don't have the sleep association. Also, babies eat better when they are rested from their nap and more easily take a full feed. This helps breast-fed mommies with supply and babies to feel full, satisfied and rested. 

10. Total Sleep Time: While I speak to the importance of schedules and routines, they are not something that early on need to be rigid when it comes to nap-time. For the first 6 months of a baby's life, look at total daytime sleep vs. trying to set some rigid schedule that is often hard to keep perfect every day. Each week, they should be sleeping less and less during the daytime hours, which in turn will maximize night-time sleep. Also important to keep in mind the right balance, because ironically NOT ENOUGH daytime sleep also cause many night waking's. 

Here is a quick and easy sample chart of sleep and what a sample few days may look like, and while it's different every day, that's OK. One day, they may take 4 naps and another day 3 naps, it's ok. The total just should not exceed the recommended daytime sleep and for babies after 8 weeks, naps after 5:00pm for a smooth bedtime at 7:00pm. You need to watch awake time, to ensure baby naps when based on their age they are ready and gauge the next nap from how long they have been up.

Sample #1: 5 Months  

Sample #2 

Sample #3 

These are samples of how each day may vary a bit. You can see though that as long as you stay at 3-4 hours, the days are fine and the baby will go down without a challenge for bedtime. 

As always, work with your pediatrician to understand what is going to work best for your family situation. 

This guide and tools are what I have found to help clients be the most successful in creating the right habits in children This solid foundation for building sleep skills will last you a lifetime. Babies develops habits and patterns based on what they learn those first few months of life. Start slowly and do your best, you will see that paying a bit more attention to the things outlined above will have lasting impacts. 

If you are already several months in and things are a bit all over the place, I am always here to help. If you would like to learn more, please take a few minutes to check out TinyTransitions.com or setup time to speak directly with me and see if one on one support is right for your family. We have options to support all price points and needs for a family and look forwarding to speaking with you.



About the Author: Courtney Zentz is an award-winning pediatric sleep professional, Certified Lactation Counselor and the owner of Tiny Transitions Infant & Toddler Sleep Consulting. She has worked with families all over the world, both virtually and in-person to help support and educate families on the importance of sleep. Her approach, dedication and compassion for helping families are easily unlike any in the industry. Courtney currently resides in West Chester, Pennsylvania with her husband Adam, and two children, Max (3) and Sovella (1).